When He Looks At Me

Yeah, I feel a bit self-indulgent posting so many of my littlest man, but I just can't help myself. Lately, he seems to be the only one who willingly gets in front of my camera. We were at chess club, bored, and it wasn't raining. Plus, I just needed to get a camera in my hands. The slowness of January is so nice, but I'm itching to start creating again.

You know, it's funny. Up until a few years ago I never realized how much creating things were a part of me. During a marriage conference hubby and I took personality tests and mine revealed that a huge part of who I am is "creative." At first I was surprised. I instantly identified the word creative with artist. And I knew I wasn't an artist! I had never thought of myself as a "creative" because quite frankly I stink at any kind of painting or drawing. Honestly, I can barely make a circle. But looking back into my life, it began to make sense. Throughout the years I remembered getting these antsy feelings and saying that I just needed to make something. So, I would cook some yummy dish, maybe scrapbook, re-arrange a room, plan an elaborate party, or make babies. When I read the results of that test a lightbulb literally went off.

And so it began. All you moms out there know how hard it is to make time for yourself but I realized that I needed to purposely cultivate the creative part of me. With four little ones, making time for myself wasn't easy and it took a while for me to stop feeling guilty about investing in me. I spent countless hours researching photography, went to a couple of classes, and started to give myself the freedom to dream about doing something as impractical as building a photography business. I still can't believe how many people have trusted me with their family memories. Our mealtime menus may not be as fancy, my room is mostly a mess, and though we still go through the process, babies are no longer being made, but there is a new part of me that is alive and that makes for one happy momma.